The questions are the same, but the answers have changed

When David Williams left the university, he went to Australia. When he returned to England for a visit twenty years later, he decided to go back to his old university.

David was delighted when he discovered that his old professor was still teaching there. He went to visit the old man, and after they had had an interesting talk, the professor went out to get something. While he was away, David saw an examination paper on the desk. He looked at the date on it and saw that it had been given to the students the week before. David picked the paper up and read it through.

When the professor came back, David said to him. 'Professor. I'm certain that these are exactly the same questions that you asked us in our examinations twenty years ago! How is that possible?'

'Yes, that's right,' agreed the professor calmly. 'The questions are the same, but the answers have changed.'

A waiter in a small restaurant

Dick was a waiter in a small restaurant. One day a man came in and sat down at one of the tables. Dick greeted him and went to find out what he wanted to eat. The man said he would like some chicken with potatoes and other vegetables.

'Roast chicken. 'he added as Dick was leaving.

'Very well, sir,' Dick answered and disappeared into the kitchen.

But the man called him back, saying, 'Just a moment, waiter. Please try to have it cooked just right- not too little, and not to much, and with as little fat as possible.'

'Very well, sir,' answered Dick obediently. 'I'll tell the cook.'

Once more he began to go towards the kitchen, but again the men stopped him with the words, 'Oh, and I forgot to explain that I'm fond of the leg.'

'Very well, sir,' answered Dick. 'Do you prefer the left leg, or the right?'

Keeping is to swallow

A busy mother asked her young son to take his baby sister out into the garden and look after her for half an hour while she was doing some work in the house.

The boy took the baby out, and they seemed to be playing quite happily when suddenly the mother heard the baby begin to cry, so she shouted to her son, 'Billy, what's the matter with Susan? Why's she crying?'

'Because she want wants my marbles,' answered Billy.

'Well, let her play with a few of them if it will stop her crying,' said the mother patiently. 'I must finish this work, and she'd be in my way in here.'

But she wants to keep to them!' answered Billy.

'No, she doesn't!' the mother said. 'She's only a baby. She's too young to understand anything like that.'

'But I know that she wants to keep them.' answered Billy. 'She's already swallowed two of them!'

Mrs. Williamson two sons

Mrs. Williamson had two sons. One morning during the holidays, when she was doing the washing for the family, her younger son came and asked her for some money for sweets.

'Sweets are bad for your teeth,' Mrs. Williamson said. 'Take those two oranges instead, and give one to you older brother.' One of the oranges was quite a lot bigger than the other, and as the small boy liked oranges, he kept that one for himself, and gave his brother the smaller one.

When the older boy saw that his brother had a much larger orange than his own, he said to him, 'It's selfish to take the bigger one for yourself. If Mother had given me the oranges, I'd have given you the bigger one.'

'I know you would,' answered his brother. That's why I took it.'

Mr. Grey and the thief

Mr. Grey had a nice shop in the main street of a small town. He sold jewellery, watches, clocks and other things like those. All went well for some years, and then Mr. Grey's shop was broken into at night twice in one month, and a lot of jewellery was stolen each time. The police had still not managed to catch the thief three weeks later, so Mr. Grey decided that he would try to do something about it. He therefore bought a camera, fixed it up in his shop so that it would photograph anyone who broke in at night, and put some very cheap jewellery in front of it for the thief.

A few nights later the thief did come again, but he did not touch any of the cheap jewellery that Mr. Grey had put out for him. He took the camera. It was worth £150.00.

Mr. Robinson and a hitchhiker

Mr. Robinson was driving to Oxford one cloudy day when he saw a hitch-hiker holding a sign above his head which said CAMBRIDGE. Mr. Robinson thought it unwise to take hitch-hikers, because he had read frightening stories of what some of them did to drivers, but he was a kind man, so he stopped and said, 'You're going to get wet. You're on the wrong road for Cambridge. This road goes to Oxford.'

'Yes, I know,' answered the hitch-hiker gaily, as he got into Mr. Robinson's car. 'That's where I want to go. I only started to wait here a minute ago, and I knew someone would be likely to stop to tell me I was on the wrong road. If I'd held up a sign with OXFORD on it, I might have had to wait for an hour for someone to stop!'

A willing victim letting himself be caught

Joe was going into his usual bar before lunch when he saw a poorly dressed man fishing in a small pool of rain-water about five centimetres deep outside it.

Joe stopped and watched the man for a few minutes. He saw that most of the people who passed by him believed he must be rather mad.

Joe pitied the man, so after a few minutes he went up to him and said kindly, 'Hullo, would you like to come into the bar and have a drink with me?'

The fisherman was delighted to accept his offer, and the two men went into the bar together. Joe bought the fisherman a few drinks, and finally said to him, 'You've been fishing outside here, haven't you? How many did you manage to catch this morning, if I may ask?'

'You're the eighth,' the fisherman answered merrily.