Take a photo to prove herself

A young lady who was on holiday in Brighton went into a bank to collect some money which had been sent there for her from the town in which she lived.

The clerk in the Brighton bank did not know her, so he said, 'What proof have you got that you are really the lady who should collect this money?'

The young lady looked worried for a few moments and said, 'I don't think I've brought any proof with me,' but then she suddenly looked happy again. She opened her bag, took a photograph of herself out of it and showed it to the clerk. 'Here's something,' she said.

The clerk looked at the photograph carefully and then looked at the young lady. 'Yes, that's you.' he said, and paid the money to her without any more trouble.

A deserter encounters his commanding officer

A big battle was going on during the First World War. Guns were firing, and shells and bullets were flying about everywhere. After an hour of this, one of the soldiers decided that the fighting was getting too dangerous for him, so he left the front line and began to go away from the battle. After he had walked for an hour, he saw an officer coming towards him. The officer stopped him and said, 'Where are you going?'

'I'm trying to get as far away as possible from the battle that's going on behind us, sir,' the soldier answered.

'Do you know who I am?' the officer said to him angrily. 'I'm your commanding officer.'

The soldier was very surprised when he heard this and said, 'My God, I didn't realize that I was so far back already!'

Ulterior motives

A young man hurried into his town library. He went up to one of the old librarians and said to her eagerly, 'Do you remember that you persuaded me to borrow a book about Greek history a week ago?'

'Yes, that's right,' answered the librarian.

'Do you remember the name of the book?' the young man asked.

The librarian felt very proud, because she was always trying to get young people to take out books about Greek history, and she rarely found one who was willing to accept her suggestions.

'Yes,' she answered. 'Do you want to take it out again? Did you think that it was so interesting?'

'No, of course not,' said the young man, 'but when I was taking it home, I met a girl on the bus, and I wrote her telephone number in the book. I want to telephone her, so please may I look at the book again?'

An old porter and a small man

An old porter had been working for the railway for a very long time. He was standing in one of the big railway stations in London one morning, waiting for travellers to ask him to help them with their luggage, when he saw a small man running towards the trains, carrying a bag.

The porter watched the man for a few seconds, and then the man saw the porter. At once he ran up to him and said, 'Can I catch the 10.35 train to Newcastle-on-Tyne, porter?' He was breathing very fast, and he sounded worried.

The old porter looked at him for a moment and then said politely, 'Well, sir, I'd like to help you, but I can't answer your question, because I don't know how fast you can run along rails. You see,' he explained, 'the 10.35 train to Newcastle-on-Tyne left five minutes ago.'

Young officer and old soldier

A very new, young officer was at a railway station. He was on his way to visit his mother in another town, and he wanted to telephone her to tell her the time of his train, so that she could meet him at the station in her car. He looked in all his pockets, but found that he did not have the right money for the telephone, so he went outside and looked around for someone to help him.

At last an old soldier came by, and the young officer stopped him and said, 'Have you got change for ten pence?'

'Wait a moment,' the old soldier answered, beginning to put his hand in his pocket. 'I'll see whether I can help you.'

'Don't you know how to speak to an officer?' the young man said angrily. 'Now let's start again. Have you got change for ten pence?'

'No, sir,' the old soldier answered quickly.

Generation gap

A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughter her tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.

Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, 'When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.'

Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, 'Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?'

Get a job after university

When George finished his studies at the university, he began to look around for a job. He did not know what he would like to do, but one of his uncles had worked for the government for thirty years, and he advised George to try to get a job of the same kind, so he went for an examination one day. He was successful, and his first job was in a large government office in London.

When George had been working there for a few weeks, his uncle came to visit the family one Saturday evening. He was delighted that his nephew had managed to get a job working for the government, and he asked him a lot of questions about it.

One of the questions he asked was, 'And how many people work in your department, George?'

The young man thought for a few moments and then answered. 'About half of them, Uncle Jim.'